There are some of you who have been single since birth. The 6th grade dance rolls around and you don’t have a date to boast about. High school Prom date is a close friend or cousin. College, your head is inside a book for four years. Now you’re in the real world and still nothing. The question is not “why are you still single after all these years?” Rather, “When is it ever going to b...

There are some of you who have been single since birth. The 6th grade dance rolls around and you don’t have a date to boast about. High school Prom date is a close friend or cousin. College, your head is inside a book for four years. Now you’re in the real world and still nothing. The question is not “why are you still single after all these years?” Rather, “When is it ever going to be okay with you?”

Maybe your case isn’t that extreme. Perhaps you’ve had your share of long-term and quickie romances but single life is not the non-stop party everyone chalks it up to be. It’s lonely, almost uncomfortable. It can soon turn into a discomfort that paralyzes and overwhelms you.

Don’t let it. Before you can ever get into another or your first relationship, you have to be A-Okay with being single! And it’s true, when you stop looking, good things will find you! Your acceptance begins with a self-exploration, as all acceptances do. Ask yourself why it’s so utterly important that you be in a relationship. This question is not always easily answered. But if your answer is the wrong one you should probably reconsider a relationship.

What are the wrong answers, you ask? For one, validation. Many men and women need their ear to be tickled with compliments about how handsome and beautiful they are. Is this the reason you’re so desperately looking for love? It is the wrong and probably the worst reason! Those who look for validation in others often have a false perception of how a relationship is supposed to work. If this is you, don’t be afraid to admit it because once you do, you’re that much closer to finding that special someone. And if you learn to self-validate, you won’t need anyone to tell you how wonderful you are and guess what: they’re more likely to say it anyway.

Other horrible reasons to pursue a relationship? The need for sex, pressure to settle down and start a family, a ruse to distract from life problems and so many countless things. Good reasons to get into a relationship? While there are so many reasons you shouldn’t, there are not many you should, surprisingly. That is because when you least expect it, a good relationship comes around and all the wonderful things companionship has offer finds you! But those “wonderful things” should probably not be a motivation for you. Instead, learn to enjoy your own company. Enjoy those wonderful things on your own, don’t wait to enjoy them with someone else.

This by no means states that you can’t get out and have a fun night out with girls at the bar, or that you can’t go that speed dating or singles event. But remember not to impose your single status on others. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t score numbers at the end of the night! If you walk away content with the way you spent your time, you’ll soon learn that’s the most important thing.

Relationships are fantastic but single life can be equally fantastic if you learn to appreciate it now. If you’re mature enough to come to terms with being single, you’ll be much better prepared for the lessons and the growth you will receive once you’re finally in that relationship. Examine yourself, mature and stop looking; love will find you, it always does.

Tolani Osan is a Publishing student and freelance writer from NY. She’s a fashion blogger with PatternRebellion.com and founder of her fashion and lifestyle blog lesdresques.blogspot.com.