Ever find yourself talking to someone new and, before you know it, what you’re telling them is becoming a string of untruths? You’re being deliberately vague, noncommittal, or just downright lying. Sometimes we say the opposite of what we mean to avoid seeming vulnerable, needy, or too interested. These white lies and omissions can serve us well when we find ourselves attracted to someone, ...

Ever find yourself talking to someone new and, before you know it, what you’re telling them is becoming a string of untruths? You’re being deliberately vague, noncommittal, or just downright lying. Sometimes we say the opposite of what we mean to avoid seeming vulnerable, needy, or too interested. These white lies and omissions can serve us well when we find ourselves attracted to someone, but they can also backfire. In the elegant push and pull of attraction, we might put someone off.

For example: Someone asks you what you’re doing next Friday and in order to avoid seeming too available or eager you make up something to sound busy. You hope they return with, “What about Saturday?” but they don’t. Instead of reading you as a person with a healthy social life they mistook it for disinterest and decided it best to leave you alone. Look at it from their perspective; they don’t want to feel rejected or overly eager either. This is your moment to put the train back on the tracks.

When you recognize that you didn’t say what you meant, remind yourself that this is perfectly normal. In fact it’s a healthy part of interacting with anyone. You don’t want to make yourself an open book, but you also want to be open to new experiences. Project yourself into the future. Are you going to feel disappointed or annoyed with yourself later if you don’t pursue this person? It may be now or never to say, “You know what, I am free next Friday. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Text messaging, online chatting, and email add a new dimension to saying what you don’t mean. You can’t get a sense of intention without being able to hear a voice or see a face. Even when you know someone well, you may take their text the wrong way. It’s also a medium that allows us to wait a long time before we answer. You could miss a text and not respond for hours. Sometimes we mistake low batteries, bad connections, getting sidetracked, or even falling asleep as resentment, hurt feelings, rejection, or anger. Reach out and get answers. Maybe it’s time to pick up the phone before resentment breaks the connections completely.

Don’t be surprised when your partner gives vague answers to vague questions. Sometimes the only way to cover new ground is to forfeit some of your own.

Sarah Rae is a freelance writer and fiction editor for Prick of the Spindle. She lives and writes in Brooklyn. www.sarahrae.net