So your ex is going to be there? Better put on your hottest outfit, those new shoes, and find someone hot to stand near you and look suspiciously like your new love interest. Make a note of the Top 5 amazing things that have happened since the break-up, in case your ex asks. Right?
Not so fast! Not every opportunity to strut is the right one. Sometimes you need to give your partner some space. You never know what you could be getting yourself into. You may find out later you were glad you passed, whether your ex was there with a date, they looked pitiful all night, or they drank too much.
When to draw back your desire to look fabulous and newly single?
• First of all, if you’re going out of your way to bump into your ex, you’re only going to look like a crazy person.
• Stay off your ex’s turf. If there’s clearly a place you consider their domain, respect that space. You may end up embarrassing them or making them more sorry than you intended.
• Don’t make a checklist of what to wear or practice your bullet points in the mirror. If you feel like you’re planning this out a little too much, then you are. And you’ll probably feel terribly guilty afterwards.
• You would hope your friends would tell you if it was a terrible idea to strut your stuff, but this isn’t usually the case. After a breakup, they go into crisis mode and your friends will be the last people to pull the rug out from under you. Keep this in mind. You may want to ask them straight up, “Do you think this is a terrible idea?”
When do you strut your stuff? When your ex hoards in on your turf, feel free to throw your hair over your shoulder and stand your ground. Don’t feel like you have to give up your favorite restaurant, bar, shop, just because your ex goes there, too. If you have many common hang-outs, your ex is going to have to get used to seeing you around. Of course, if you are going to an event you know your ex was invited to and will attend, you could strut your stuff. But think about how good it would feel to not show up. Maybe the ultimate way to show them you’ve moving on, is to leave them hanging. You have better things to do.
The opportunity to strut usually comes without any planning at all. You had no idea your ex would be there. When they asked how things were going, you just happen to have nothing but fantastic things going on in your life. Plus you come away feeling guilt-free. In fact, when they catch you off guard is absolutely when you look your best: confident, self-assured, and moving on.
Sarah Rae is a writer and editor from New Orleans. She lives in Brooklyn, NY. More information can be found at readsarah.com
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