While we should not compare ourselves to other people, we often cannot help it. Sometimes this comparison can serve a useful purpose and help us get clear on what we want out of life or what type of person we ideally want to be. Often times, however, we do not use it for this potentially helpful exercise. We compare ourselves to other people and focus on all the things they have that we do not ...

While we should not compare ourselves to other people, we often cannot help it. Sometimes this comparison can serve a useful purpose and help us get clear on what we want out of life or what type of person we ideally want to be. Often times, however, we do not use it for this potentially helpful exercise. We compare ourselves to other people and focus on all the things they have that we do not have. We become jealous or envious. We feel badly about ourselves because we do not measure up. In the age of Facebook, where people’s lives are plastered for all to see, this problem has become magnified by a million.

One of the biggest reasons why we should not get caught up in comparing ourselves to others and getting all bent out of shape that their lives appear to be better is because we can create whatever type of life we want for ourselves. Happiness is not some finite entity where the more other people get, the less there is for you. It is in infinite supply and you can have as big a share as you let yourself.

The arena of relationships is a biggie when it comes to the comparison game. Most of us place a very high premium on finding a life partner and popping out a couple of kids and there is nothing wrong with that if these are the things you truly desire for your life. If you have yet to get these things, it can be hard seeing everyone around you pairing off and procreating. But, there is no need to be jealous of your friend’s recent engagement, marriage or new bundle of joy. You can have these things too and the sooner you truly believe you can, the sooner they will appear in your life. Remember, our life experience is a direct result of the beliefs we hold and the only thing holding you back from getting the things you want is some part of yourself that does not think it is possible and absolutely nothing else.

Furthermore, we generally have no idea what other people’s live are truly like, what they are truly feeling behind closed doors. People often display what they want others to see. This illusion is especially easy to create when using Facebook and other forms of social media.

Carefully crafted status updates and some well-chosen pictures allows people to create whatever type of identity they want. Now, I am not saying that I think everyone in the world is secretly miserable and that no one is truly happy. What I am saying though, is that we really have no idea and the person you so envy may secretly hate her life so why waste time thinking she has it better than you if there is even the slightest chance she is presenting one big lie to the world.

Sure, the lovey-dovey pictures seem to indicate a very happy couple but maybe they are on the verge of breaking up or one of them secretly pines for someone from their past that they never got over, and they merely settled for their current partner. The woman who does nothing but sends status updates about how much she loves being a mother and has a billion pictures of her kids may deeply regret her choice to have children and she is working desperately to convince herself that she is happy with this life-altering decision that she cannot now change. The list could go on and on.

If you find yourself comparing your life to other people, use this as a springboard to figure out what you want in your own life. Then make an effort to put your focus on yourself and to stop worry about what everyone else is doing or using other people’s lives as a measuring stick. If there is something you can change about your life or yourself to get you where you want to be, hunker down and make the changes. If you envy your friend’s supermodel body and you are only five feet tall, learn to make peace with and love what you got. Comparing ourselves to other people is a recipe for disaster and creates a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order. She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out. She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well.