One of the most liberating things we can realize is that only we are responsible for our feelings and nobody else. No matter what someone else says to us or does to us, how we respond is about us and us alone. This will serve us well in any sort of interaction but it is something that is particularly poignant when it comes to matters of the heart, whether you are currently in a relationship or ...

One of the most liberating things we can realize is that only we are responsible for our feelings and nobody else. No matter what someone else says to us or does to us, how we respond is about us and us alone. This will serve us well in any sort of interaction but it is something that is particularly poignant when it comes to matters of the heart, whether you are currently in a relationship or in the midst of getting over a break-up.

This may sound counterintuitive to people and for the longest time, it did to me too. In our normal pattern of thought, someone does or says something and that triggers a certain reaction in us. Since the other person’s words or actions prompted the feeling, we naturally hold them responsible for how we feel. Do not get me wrong, people can surely say or do things that are wrong, mean, inappropriate and what not, but the resulting feelings are always about us, no matter what, each and every time.

The way we respond to the world outside us is based on things such as our view of ourselves, our beliefs, our experiences and a bunch of other stuff that is about us and us alone. Fully bringing this idea into our awareness can do wonders. It opens up the doors to self-examination. It helps us get to know ourselves better by uncovering the things we hold down deep. It can help us face things about ourselves that we may not like or that we know we need to work on changing. Fully owning our feelings and examining them can also do wonders for us in the relationship department, whether it improves a current relationship, helps us pick up the pieces from a failed one or helps us know when to leave a bad one.

No one can make us feel a certain way. If your partner puts you down, your bad feelings have nothing to do with what he or she said. Your bad feelings result from a part of you that thinks what they are saying may hold some truth, it shines the light on your own issues of self-worth. This is just one of a million examples when it comes to romantic relationships, which tend to give the greatest emotional charge.

The next time you find your partner’s actions or words making you feel negatively in some way, stop and examine what is going on. Really take the time to examine why it is you feel the way you feel. What is prompting these feelings? Resist the urge to place the blame outside of yourself. Do not be afraid to look inside. Owning our feelings and knowing that we and we alone are responsible for them is empowering and one of the best ways to gain a sense of peace in our lives.

Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order. She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out. She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well.