We all know that most men fantasize about sex on the first date. We all know that most women have been told – at one point or another – NOT to indulge their fantasies. While at a bar once, a rather nice but overly talkative man and I wound up on the subject as we watched a nearby couple (who had just wrapped up what appeared to be their first date) exit together, and the man told me: “S...

We all know that most men fantasize about sex on the first date. We all know that most women have been told – at one point or another – NOT to indulge their fantasies. While at a bar once, a rather nice but overly talkative man and I wound up on the subject as we watched a nearby couple (who had just wrapped up what appeared to be their first date) exit together, and the man told me: “She’s obviously going home with him tonight. Bad move.” When I asked him what he meant, he put it pretty simply: “If you sleep with a guy on the first night, they’re never going to see you as girlfriend material.”

Now, I don’t know if everyone (men or women) would agree with this sweeping statement, but I happen to think he may be right, even though today’s dating world has evolved into one that openly accepts casual encounters. As modern as we may be, humans – especially men –are instinctively driven by challenge – one in particular, commonly known as “The Hunt”. By sleeping with him following your first date, you are not doing anything (in my opinion, anyway) morally reprehensive, but you are instantly reducing your level of long-term desirability. But more than that, you have deprived him of what would have been his conquest; after all, a conquest without a challenge is no conquest at all.

By sleeping with him on the first date, you make yourself appear as though you lack certain characteristics that he is truly searching for in a partner. He will likely forget in the moment, but there will ultimately need to be a genuine emotional connection between you in order for the relationship to continue past the first night. Though he’ll likely attempt to sleep with you, he will accept (and respect) your decision, and frankly, he’ll thank you later – perhaps on your next date – for showing him that you’re not a cheap one-night-stand.

So, the question is: How do you make it clear that although are rejecting his sexual advances, you are attracted to him and would like for the relationship to progress?

For starters, you can simply let him know tactfully that you do not plan on sleeping with him because you possess self-respect and wouldn’t want to crush any potential between the two of you. This lets him know that you’re not rejecting him – it is a matter of the way you feel about yourself. But most importantly, it will show him that you are a thoughtful and self-reflective person who is interesting beyond sex – it automatically proves that you are a person who is worth getting to know and/or figure out.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind – ones that make the process of avoiding first-date sex more manageable:

1. Go easy on the alcohol – don’t let it take advantage of your better judgment.
2. Part ways after dinner – don’t “go to another bar” (you can always do this later, just not on the FIRST date).
3. Dress the part – though your deep V-neck blouse is beautiful, it will look even better on you on the second or third date.

These three steps will let you start your first date a few steps ahead and prevent you from finding yourself in a tough spot where you and your date may be tempted to take things further. Just remember that the temptation is a good thing and a sign of chemistry between you... and there's no need to rush. Enjoy the early stages of dating and watch as the emotional connection and overall relationship strengthens if you wait beyond the first date to have sex.