When you go on a first date, you couldn’t be more enthusiastic about having a new prospect for a relationship, and maybe even love. It is a complicated dance we all perform on our first outing together in an effort to impress the opposite sex. While your date may talk too much or bring up their ex impulsively, you will most likely overlook these common missteps often associated with nerves - since a sign of nerves can be so cute and show you that the person really cares.
However, there exists a remarkable difference between the first date jitters and the actions/behaviors of someone waving a giant red flag in front of them which reads “ I’m UNAVAILABLE,” at the very least and “ I will take advantage of YOU” at the very worst. The following are 5 common dating red flags that men and women proudly display when they are probably not the one you’re looking for. Take heed:
1. Your date has barely cracked a smile all evening. Our thoughts and feelings will consistently reveal themselves to others. When human beings are in the company of someone they are attracted to and especially if it’s the first date, we can’t fight back a giant smile. Even if your date is engaged in a deep and meaningful conversation with you, if they are not showing the pearly whites, they might as well be wearing a giant red flag!
2. There has been no physical contact AT ALL. Plain and simple - when we see something we like, we want to make contact with it physically. Touch is the one of the primary indicators that your date is attracted to you. While physical attraction may not always lead to a serious relationship, it is one of the first and most common mannerisms expressed when we are instantly interested in another person. If they’re not touching you, they’re probably not interested, so take note and don't waste any more time than you need to.
3. Your date is acting like a soldier on shore leave. Being too touchy on the first date is also a red flag. It is important to gauge what is appropriate and what says “I just want to get busy” which can prove to be difficult when you are consumed by the novelty of a new relationship. However, if your date has their hands all over you and you’ve barely said “check, please,” it is likely that they are looking for a strictly physical encounter with you. Your date may not realize his/her behavior is aggressive, but it's important to remember that when they're interested in someone as a potential long-term partner, they'll practice restraint, regardless of intentions or desires.
4. You do all the talking. Because we’re so nervous in early stages of dating, we will sometimes completely overlook the fact that our date hasn’t asked us a thing. Often, women may excuse this behavior in men and explain that they are “just shy.” If someone is interested in you, they are going to be curious about you and they will ask you questions. There should be a give and take in the conversation, and if there isn't, you should move on to find someone who can give you that balance.
5. You hear, “I’ll see you soon.” One of the most common red flags is camouflaged by a seemingly well-intentioned remark. Your date may believe that they want to pursue something more with you; however, their actions will say otherwise. When someone fails to follow through, i.e., make a date for next week, tell you when they’re going to call, or at the very least say that they want to see you again, they are likely not your future spouse. While women are usually more expressive, men who are interested in seeing a woman again will tell her so, regardless of how well they know each other. “I’ll see you soon” may sound like validation, but it is actually a giant red flag reading: “I might call you but I’ll never be in love with you.” In response to “see you soon” it’s probably in your best interest to respond with “see ya later!” and start moving on to someone with more potential.
While there are many more obvious (and more subtle) dating red flags in addition to the ones outlined here, abiding by these guidelines may help you steer clear of pending heartbreak from an unfulfilling relationship. If you are new to dating again, don't panic: although red flags are highly prevalent, the only way to find your future partner is to sift through a few of them. Perhaps you’ve witnessed some red flags yourself. If so, go forth and share them with your fellow daters and wave YOUR flag of awareness!
Megan Sullivan is a freelance writer and comedian residing in Los Angeles.
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